{"id":1950,"date":"2016-04-24T03:29:06","date_gmt":"2016-04-23T21:59:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/black-mirror-hang-the-dj-relationship\/"},"modified":"2026-07-17T19:50:59","modified_gmt":"2026-07-17T14:20:59","slug":"black-mirror-hang-the-dj-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=1950","title":{"rendered":"What Watching Black Mirror with My Boyfriend Taught Me About Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span>here are few better ways to wake up to a New Year than snuggling in with your boyfriend to watch a brand new episode of <\/p>Black Mirror <\/span><\/i>after a night of partying in Amritsar, aka Punjab\u2019s party capital (translation: a few drinks at the Bar at Hyatt against the backdrop of \u201cChittiyan Kalaiyan\u201d, watching stick-thin Punjabi boys doing bhangra on the road.) Watching our favourite dystopian drama series on the failings in humanity is something of a dating ritual between us, and we never break it by cheating \u2013 although he did watch one minute of \u201cUSS Callister\u201d without me, which is a gross transgression by all definitions!<\/span>\n\nAnyway, we settled in with <\/span>\u201cHang the DJ\u201d<\/span><\/a>. As we watched Amy and Frank working The System, we wondered if they\u2019d rebel. We\u00a0also wondered what the two of us would\u2019ve done in that situation. Halfway into the episode, my boyfriend would explode into occasional rants: \u201cWhy the heck did he have to check the expiration date!\u201d \u201cMy God, that woman is insufferable! And so cold, for leaving <\/span>that<\/span><\/i> easily!\u201d <\/span>\n\nThe scene I particularly love is the one where Amy stretches out her hand lying beside Lenny, and he doesn\u2019t take it. I looked towards him for a response. There was none. I remember feeling a little let down. <\/span>\n\nWhen we had watched <\/span>\u201cThe Entire History of You\u201d earlier, I often found him scanning my face for reaction when Ffion did something out of line or suspicious. I caught him looking with the satisfaction of having unearthed some great knowledge about me when Ffion and her ex-sexcapade would talk to each other in the episode.<\/span> I saw him form judgements about me based on how I reacted to those scenes, and for a while after, we had actual passive-aggressive arguments over how we\u2019d find out \u201cso much stuff\u201d about each other if we had the Grain.\u00a0\u201cWe wouldn\u2019t last a day,\u201d he had said.<\/span> We went on for quite a bit, deciding which one of us was the husband who lost it, and which the wife who cheated.<\/span> One instance, he told me in the middle of an argument: \u201cYou know, you will never get the Grain that couple had. Because I\u2019ll see everything, and you\u2019d not have a chance to explain because it\u2019ll all be time-stamped and tamper-proof.\u201d<\/span>\n\nI definitely had to catch a breath after hearing that. <\/span>\n\n\"Black\n

\n

As we watched Amy and Frank working The System, we wondered if they\u2019d rebel. We\u00a0also wondered what the two of us would\u2019ve done in that situation.<\/p>\n

Image credit: Netflix<\/p>\n<\/figcaption>\n<\/figure>\n\nThe thing about watching a great series that reflects our time, is that it sometimes reflects us too. Too clearly. A married friend recently watched an episode of <\/span>Easy <\/span><\/i>with her husband. The episode was about a couple in a long-term marriage that decides to select a third person together to invite into their bedroom. The third person turns out to be a friend of his wife\u2019s and things in the bedroom go into interesting places. She told me how she could see the idea of this <\/span>threesome<\/span><\/a> entering her husband\u2019s head. She could see him evaluating her friends.<\/span>\n\nSo I can understand my boyfriend thinking about us when he watches \u201cThe Entire History of You\u201d. We have a long-distance relationship and he\u2019s in the army. During a good spell, we see each other every couple of months. At our worst, after half a year. We\u2019ve seen our relationship through many transitions \u2013 us moving cities, me graduating, getting a job, and all this interspersed with intermittent break ups. The result is a lot of catching up to do. Wouldn\u2019t it be handy to have a Grain? Or a Recaller? \u00a0<\/span>\n\n

Trust, I\u2019ve come to realise, isn\u2019t an eternal spring of confidence in your partner.<\/blockquote>\n\n\nWe are at an interesting point in the world of entertainment. Thanks to the internet, the stories we are telling push the boundaries, reflect uncomfortable realities, and no longer cater to the masses. There is an individual relationship borne between us and what we\u2019re watching and it forces us to look at new viewpoints and ask tough questions. We are allowing ourselves to go into places that we would not have without this a impetus. I actually wondered if watching this stuff together was creating a real trust deficit between the two of us, because there\u2019s honestly just too much relating with Ffion and Amy and Frank. They are us and we are them in so many ways. <\/span>\n\nBut trust, I\u2019ve come to realise, isn\u2019t an eternal spring of confidence in your partner. It is learning to win over this sense of wonder that they\u2019re upto fishy things when you\u2019re not looking. Know how you\u2019d rather not sign into your SO\u2019s Facebook account for fear of what you might see, even though they give you their password as a gesture establishing trust (Tactic only useful up until 17 years of age)? It\u2019s a little like that, except somewhere along the line you grow up and realise your suspicions are more about your insecurities than your partner\u2019s activities.<\/span>\n\nSo, when I saw he was as moved by the episode as I was, I figured I\u2019d treat the memory implant like I\u2019d treat his Facebook password. I\u2019d rather not have it. So wouldn\u2019t he.<\/span>\n\nThe thing about putting yourself and your relationship through the grind like this is that you could come out on the other side either broken up or then stronger than ever. \u00a0I think we\u2019ve come through scepticism, lack of faith and potential mistrust, to some weird sense of comfort with \u201cHang the DJ\u201d<\/span>.<\/span><\/i> \u00a0Amy and Frank eventually do rebel against The System. I remember squeezing my boyfriend\u2019s hand a little more tightly when they come into the real world together now, as each other\u2019s ultimate. And I remember him squeezing my hand back. <\/span>\n\nThat\u2019s all, I thought.\u00a0Hang the DJ now, for all I care. I have my perfect match with me, right here.\u00a0<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wondered if watching Black Mirror with my boyfriend was creating a real trust deficit between the two of us. There\u2019s honestly just too much relating with the characters. They are us and we are them in so many ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":194,"featured_media":1953,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[1508,16,3688,22,3901,3902],"class_list":["post-1950","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pop-culture","tag-black-mirror","tag-boyfriend","tag-hang-the-dj","tag-relationships","tag-the-entire-history-of-you","tag-the-grain"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Watching Black Mirror with My Boyfriend Taught Me About Love<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I wondered if watching Black Mirror with my boyfriend was creating a real trust deficit between the two of us. 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