{"id":1686,"date":"2016-04-29T08:26:37","date_gmt":"2016-04-29T08:26:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=1686"},"modified":"2016-04-29T08:26:37","modified_gmt":"2016-04-29T08:26:37","slug":"beginners-guide-going-solo-loners-alone-indians-maslow-hierarchy-social-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=1686","title":{"rendered":"The Beginner\u2019s Guide to Going Solo"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span>hen I was younger and more impressionable, I made the mistake of going to the only kind of neighbourhood multiplex there is — an expensive one. I had shown up for a nearly empty morning show to watch Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (RIP, thoughts and prayers, etc) do things in cars that Bombay\u2019s roads have never quite allowed me to.\n\nHalfway through the film, the projector went out abruptly, as it often does during Hollywood releases in India, and the lights came on. From four rows ahead of me, I saw three classmates from school looking at me with expressions better suited to seeing someone you know actually go doggy-style on a real dog. Instead of waving at me, or saying hi, their mouths were open, forming the most sincere look of confusion I have ever encountered. I imagined an ice cream cone melt in one\u2019s hands as he tried to register this cosmic reality of one of his brethren watching a movie, all by himself.\n\nI had become a rebel without a cause, without even the knowledge that I was one. You see, apparently, Indians don\u2019t do things alone. Think about it for a moment, as you go over all the nights at your favourite yuppie bar, the cinema, the theatre, or even on vacation. It\u2019s likely the visual that played out in your head is a cluster of people. It\u2019s rare, isn\u2019t it, to see a person out doing something fun all by themselves?\n\nOf course, as a culture, Indians are very, very <\/p>community-driven<\/a>. We rely on our family<\/a>, immediate and extended<\/a>, to act as pillars of support and the boundaries for our spectrum of thought. Our ideas are rarely our own<\/a> since we\u2019re raised to be sheep from dull education, the kind who are discouraged from doing anything that doesn\u2019t involve listening to our parents and eating dry fruits as we go to bed early.\n\nThe simple desire to do something, for example, is easily outweighed by a simple \u201cI don\u2019t have anyone to do this with.\u201d But, why really? To sit across from, or next to, a face that we\u2019ve seen hundreds of times and hear the faux dramatic details of their lives for the umpteenth time? Does one really need another human being\u2019s presence to eat ramen that\u2019s so good that it\u2019s a shame you\u2019re not swimming in it? Is it anywhere on Maslow\u2019s hierarchy of needs to take a class, or workshop, or watch a movie or show of any kind with someone you\u2019ve already gone out with eleventeen million times? Why must you?\n\nThere are only two signs of something being good: you either shut up to savour it\u2019s quality or beauty, or it moves you to speech, laughter, shock, or Instagram<\/a>. Anyone or anything else for this burst of catharsis, quite frankly, is as necessary as the elaichi in your biryani.\n\n

The simple desire to do something, for example, is easily outweighed by a simple \u201cI don\u2019t have anyone to do this with.\u201d But, why really? <\/blockquote>\n\nYou can come to me with your \u201chappiness is better when shared\u201d greeting card argument, and I won\u2019t deny it even for a second. But really, is happiness, or having fun, or doing anything you enjoy outside of home only worthwhile with your so-called squad?\n\nI remember last year, this sharp essay<\/a> about how Indian women are seldom taught to be alone, was doing the rounds of Facebook and Twitter. The author spoke about how she had to learn to be on her own, after her husband moved cities. \u201cNow, I enjoy solo-eating,\u201d she wrote. \u201cRather than try to bolt down my food as quickly as possible and leave, I make an occasion out of it\u2026 I discovered the pleasure of cheap mid-morning movies in completely empty theatres. No screaming kids, no rustling packets of popcorn\u2026 It took a while for me to realise that time and silence were gifts to cherish.\u201d Forget women, even men have trouble<\/a> being by themselves.\n\nI wasn\u2019t always someone who went out alone. It was kind of standard to go out for pretty much anything else with someone. I even started playing badminton because I had friends who\u2019d come to the club for a few games. Solitude<\/a> was something I hadn\u2019t discovered yet. And then one day, I didn\u2019t find company for something, and I realised I\u2019d outgrown most of my friends. I made new ones at poetry slams, stand-up comedy open mics, at meals in strange houses where nobody is a chef.\n\nIt\u2019s barely even about seeking new connections<\/a>, which are an icing on the cake. The driving factor has, and should, ideally be the experience itself. The need to do something new shouldn\u2019t be freighted with a reason like There Won\u2019t Be A Bum I Know Next to Mine.\n\nIf you haven\u2019t already been going out alone more, start. Get a new hobby, join a class, and show up at places alone: Drop into a caf\u00e9 with a damn book, eat, gaze at something in an art gallery, and change the image of someone who does things alone, which is in more need of good PR than the Indian government<\/a>.\n\nI like to think of myself, and other people who show up to things alone as fascinating characters in a movie. None of these have a best friend hanging around to support them. Because quite frankly, they\u2019re interesting enough to hold your attention for as many frames as you\u2019ll indulge them for.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wasn\u2019t the sort of person who went out alone. But is it anywhere on Maslow\u2019s hierarchy of needs to do things with someone you\u2019ve already gone out with eleventeen million times?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":96,"featured_media":1687,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[3161,3162,3163,3164,3165,3166,3167,3168,3169],"class_list":["post-1686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-being-a-loner","tag-being-alone","tag-going-solo","tag-maslow-going-solo","tag-maslows-hierarchy","tag-maslows-throry","tag-riding-solo","tag-what-is-a-loner","tag-what-is-going-solo"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Beginner\u2019s Guide to Going Solo<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I wasn\u2019t the sort of person who went out alone. 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