{"id":1370,"date":"2016-06-10T19:02:44","date_gmt":"2016-06-10T19:02:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=1370"},"modified":"2016-06-10T19:02:44","modified_gmt":"2016-06-10T19:02:44","slug":"real-men-crying-emotional-sensitive-men-vulnerable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=1370","title":{"rendered":"Real Men Don\u2019t Cry"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A<\/span>couple of months ago, I was pulled into a theatre to watch a screening of <\/p>Super Deluxe<\/em>. Like most Delhi boys, I think of myself as the impermeable and opaque reincarnation of the late \u201990s phenomenon in play-acting wrestling called Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now, could a film break a facade so strong? Well, by the end of the film, I found myself nestled comfortably in the bucket seat, tub of popcorn filled with buttery-salty tears. I wept so loudly that I committed the cardinal sin of drawing a stranger\u2019s attention.\n\nYou see, that\u2019s because I am the average Indian male. I\u2019m 5\u20196\u201d, overweight, and obsessed with television and everything political, like all good men must be. Had I been a young woman, the gentleman would have smiled indulgently, handed me a tissue and assumed he was pulling of an act of next-level humanity.\n\nInstead, this brawny gentleman saw in me everything that he despised about the world: A wimp, an emotional raccoon out to destroy his comfortable worldview of masculinity. He almost took a picture of me trying to fathom how much can possibly go wrong with a \u201cman\u201d. I, for one, didn\u2019t mind the hysterics, not out of a false sense of bravado, but because the lights were off and I could zip past him before they were on again.\n\nIt got me thinking about when was the last time I\u2019d wept. After a break-up? Maybe. Who am I kidding? I cry every time I watch a Richard Linklater, Sean Baker, or Spike Jonze film I relate to. In fact, I might shell out a tear or two watching my fat self go around the world killing all hopes of being fit. I teared up recently when I found out that the pizzeria gave me chicken pepperoni instead of the real deal? No, really! Chicken pepperoni?\n\nThat\u2019s another article in itself.\n\nThe ability to mask soft emotions is often spoken of as \u201cnatural\u201d for men. Using the word \u201cnatural\u201d is as misleading as the claim that Patanjali\u2019s processed noodles have \u201cnatural ingredients\u201d. The word \u201cnatural\u201d is a powerful, weighty word to throw around, and it has been used, rather carelessly, for generations. There is obviously nothing anatomically natural about men being immune to pain (both physical and emotional), so it\u2019s obviously a social construct that has been perpetuated to drive the point into our collective consciousness.\n

Crying is often a necessity when one\u2019s daughter is getting married – the quintessential loving dad of jewellery ads!<\/blockquote>\nTo cry, therefore, is to fall from a position of power that patriarchy bestows on men. What I did at the theatre then must have taken my masculinity score below freezing point, as more public the loss of power, the more conscious one is made of it. But when does society actually allow or take pride in a man\u2019s tears?\n\nI remember how Zinedine Zidane wept furiously after being red-carded by the referee in the World Cup final in 2006. The red-eyed weeping came to be considered not as a weakness of heart, but the eventuality of being overcome by a \u201cvery strong emotion\u201d. Hence, whenever power is attached to sensitivity, it is looked at as bravery and not as weakness or cowardice. Power is, therefore, central to the perception of any emotion. Crying is often a necessity when one\u2019s daughter is getting married – the quintessential loving dad of jewellery ads! As a matter of fact, even Amrish Puri\u2019s teary red outburst \u201cJa Simran Ja\u201d sees him assume and then reaffirm his sense of authority and is not perceived as \u201cweak\u201d. The role of the unassuming teardrop takes centrestage in political discourse the moment our prime minister sets them rolling when he asks us for some GST<\/a> and\u00a0justifies everything with a sob story about his mother or his poverty-stricken childhood. Here the teardrop signifies nothing other than its power to move people (or maybe misguide them?)\n\nBut could we be on the cusp of a change? I remember being impressed by Ae Dil Hai Mushkil<\/em><\/a> on at least one count. Ranbir Kapoor bursts into tears at least four to five times in the film, to display an inherent weakness, a vulnerability, the reasons for which might not be justified completely. This isn\u2019t your macho \u201cfilmy hero crying over a girl\u201d like in Darr<\/em> or Pardes<\/em>, but a statement that he didn\u2019t mind displaying emotion. The moment a \u201chero\u201d cries on screen, his heroics are reduced to ashes. The average viewer feels distanced somehow because our \u201cwilling suspension of disbelief\u201d is shrouded by clouds of misbelief. We suddenly don\u2019t identify with the person on screen just because we think it is improbable for a man to come across as a \u201crotlu\u201d.\n\nIt is these images that act as visual cues and propagate cultural patterns. I remember I started smoking <\/a>because my father would, and because I was repeatedly subject to an advertisement where Jackie Shroff assumed the role of the Indian \u201cMarlboro Man\u201d. Much the same way, my perceptions about crying, physical strength, and romance were first formed by print or TV ads. There is a massive difference in popular culture<\/a> today, but some gender norms are well-nigh unbreachable.\n\nThe only way around probably is to keep at it, especially through the explosion of popular culture on digital platforms. All we need to do is normalise the act. After all, it\u2019s the base of all emotions, a teardrop is all that\u2019s constant between an arduous escape from a moth-ridden relationship or the best orgasm you\u2019ve ever had.\n\nSo cry. Cry when you know that the world is headed right<\/a>, cry when you think about the refugee crisis, cry when you stub your foot on the bedside table, cry when you\u2019re trying not to, because it\u2019s important to step toward fighting or recognising emotional repression. And the next time you\u2019re in a theatre, don\u2019t forget to look left or right. If you spot me next to you with a wad of sodden tissues, join me. We\u2019ll drown our sorrows over butter popcorn and perhaps a bottle of Old Monk right after.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To cry is to fall from a position of power that patriarchy bestows on men. My teardrops, then, have probably taken my masculinity score below freezing point.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133,"featured_media":1371,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[2324,2325,2326,2327,2328,2329],"class_list":["post-1370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-crying","tag-express-emotions","tag-real-men","tag-sensitive-men","tag-sensitivity","tag-vulnerable-men"],"yoast_head":"\nReal Men Don\u2019t Cry<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"To cry is to fall from a position of power that patriarchy bestows on men. 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