{"id":1368,"date":"2016-06-20T22:39:13","date_gmt":"2016-06-20T22:39:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=1368"},"modified":"2016-06-20T22:39:13","modified_gmt":"2016-06-20T22:39:13","slug":"independent-single-woman-house-hunting-alcoholic-mini-skirt-christian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=1368","title":{"rendered":"“Christian Log Daaru Pee Ke Danga Karta Hai”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

“B<\/span>ahar gaon ki hai kya,\u201d the tall, pockmarked man wondered aloud, asking his portly companion if their new client was a foreigner. \u201cHaan, tabhi toh bhao badhaa ke bola,\u201d chuckled his partner, as both men checked out the lanky redhead walking from room-to-room, confirming if the electrical switches worked, opening and shutting doors and windows.\n\n<\/p>The men were both housing <\/span>property brokers<\/span><\/a> operating in the real estate gold mine that Mumbai\u2019s western suburbs were 10 years ago. Today, homes in that part of the city are plain unaffordable, but even then the apartment she was looking at was a filthy hovel only slightly bigger than a public toilet (and equally stinky). \u201cBest studio apartment. It is near mall, madam. Just like foreign country, madam. You like mall, madam,\u201d asked Mr Pockmarks. <\/span>\n\nThe redhead was familiar with the drill by now. This was the fifth pair that was trying to scam her that week. Property dealers would first show her these rat holes and quote twice the rent. Then they would show her exactly one barely habitable apartment at an even more outrageous price, hoping she would jump at it irrespective of the crazy rent because of the shortage of other good options. <\/span>\n\n\u201cDesh ka naam kharaab karte huye sharam nahi aati,\u201d asked the redhead, in impeccable Hindi. It caused both men to suffer a mild heart attack. \u201cSaali Indian thi,\u201d she heard them whisper to each other as she exited the apartment. <\/span>\n\nThat redhead was me. I\u2019m blonde now. Not that it makes any difference, because regardless of the colour of my hair and skin, I am trying not to get PTSD every time I go house hunting. I\u2019m an unmarried woman. I\u2019m Christian, a journalist, and live with two cats. All these seemingly innocuous facts stack up to limit my housing rental options drastically, even in large, supposedly cosmopolitan cities. It isn\u2019t just the greed that bothers me; the bigotry, stereotyping, and sexism form the icing on this shitcake. <\/span>\n

\u201cChristians are very \u2018happening\u2019 na! I\u2019ve heard you get booze in Church.\u201d<\/blockquote>\nSample the following conversation:<\/span>\n\n\u201cYour husband didn\u2019t come with you?\u201d<\/span>\n<\/span>\u201cI\u2019m not married.\u201d<\/span>\n<\/span>\u201cBut you look old.\u201d (Thanks! Where are my dragons?)<\/span>\n\nOr then this:<\/span>\n\n\u201cChristians are very \u2018happening\u2019 na! I\u2019ve heard you get booze in Church.\u201d<\/span>\n\nI mean, I could tell them that it\u2019s not as if the priest hands out free tequila shots to increase the church attendance, and that several churches run de-addiction centres for <\/span>alcoholics<\/span><\/a>. But where do you begin with a guy who gets his education on the community from Bollywood stereotypes like \u201cMichael Daaru Pee Ke Danga Karta Hai\u201d or Anthony Gonsalves who had a conversation with his mirror image in a drunken stupor? <\/span>\n\nI\u2019ve lost track of the number of times I\u2019ve heard the super shady, \u201cYou guys are allowed everything na? Short skirts\u2026 boyfriends?\u201d I only wish my romantic life had the kind of luck and ease that people attribute to it. In reality, every girl who went to a convent school has a horror story about a Sister Bertha and her searing look of disapproval should she spot a hint of a knee grazing the school uniform\u2019s hemline. And that the friendly neighbourhood busybodies Mrs Braganza and Mrs D\u2019Souza are human CCTVs when it comes to teens of opposite genders hanging out together. <\/span>\n\nBut the one that instantly crushes my self-image every single time is, \u201cOh you are Christian? Good, my friend is looking for a nanny for her child.\u201d<\/span>\n\nIt gets most interesting when home-owners find out I\u2019m a \u201cmedia wali\u201d, who probably gets to hang with Ranbir Kapoor and do shots with <\/span>Kangana Ranaut<\/span><\/a>. When I tell them I report on health, environment, and women\u2019s rights, I get a look that Anderson Cooper reserves for Kellyanne Conway. I have to remind them that the late-night media parties that they think I attend, are often held on the pavement outside the State Assembly, in the company of frustrated, overworked, and depressed journalists, sipping cold, extra-sweet tea. Breaking into a spirited rendition of \u201cWe shall overcome\u201d in one such situation, is about the most fun I\u2019ve ever had. <\/span>\n\nYet, the insinuations are, \u201cOnly beautiful girls get jobs in media\u201d followed by the nudge-nudge, wink-wink \u201cYes, I\u2019m sure you work very hard.\u201d The final nail in this coffin are my cats. While some have wondered if I have adopted them because I don\u2019t have children, others have been outright hateful in suggesting they are harbingers of bad luck and ill health. An old man with a particularly wicked imagination asked if I was rearing them to eat them some day. He was mildly better than the dude who asked me if I was a witch and practiced black magic. He wasn\u2019t off the mark, because that\u2019s what every unmarried, childless woman on the wrong side of 30 is\u2026 perceived to be a witch. <\/span>\n\nAfter four peaceful years, my current lease will be up soon. I look forward to what new torment awaits me with the same enthusiasm as that with which Theon Greyjoy awaits another encounter with Ramsay Bolton. Perhaps, instead of visiting houses, I should just invite prospective landlords home for a cup of tea. They can see first-hand how nicely I have maintained my current apartment and how well behaved my cats are. I might even show them my articles to demonstrate that I am a serious journalist. But I\u2019ll keep a can of pepper spray close\u2026 just in case someone begins the conversation with, \u201cSo, is it true what happened in <\/span>Julie<\/span><\/i>…\u201d<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m Christian, a journalist, and live with two cats. Which in landlord-speak means I\u2019m a short-skirt-wearing alcoholic with many boyfriends.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":121,"featured_media":1369,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[317,2316,2317,2318,2319,2320,2321,2322,2323],"class_list":["post-1368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-people","tag-alcoholic","tag-christian","tag-environment","tag-indepent-woman","tag-journalist","tag-middle-age","tag-mini-skirt","tag-single-woman","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"\n"Christian Log Daaru Pee Ke Danga Karta Hai"<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019m Christian, a journalist, and live with two cats. 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