{"id":1342,"date":"2016-07-09T07:39:15","date_gmt":"2016-07-09T07:39:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=1342"},"modified":"2016-07-09T07:39:15","modified_gmt":"2016-07-09T07:39:15","slug":"asking-men-superpower-dating-hookups","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=1342","title":{"rendered":"Asking Men Out is My Superpower"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

f you could have any superpower, what would it be? Invisibility? Super-strength? Shape-shifting? Mind reading? I already have my superpower. My superpower is the amazing ability to ask men out.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe first ever guy I asked out politely declined (we both went to the same math tuition). It was a shock, given that he had stealthily passed notes to me in class, made it a point to sit next to me, and would call me every day at\u00a0exactly 9 pm\u00a0to clarify \u201cdoubts\u201d. I would\u2019ve overcome this rejection easily, if he hadn\u2019t suggested the next day that his friend accompanies us on the date. To save face, I pretended to think about it (even though I was secretly annoyed), but dismissed him quickly. I still count it as my first victory.<\/span>\n\nI don\u2019t know about you, but there\u2019s something special about an unattainable boy. You can go all Freud on my ass and say I\u2019m doing this to avoid commitment. Let me go all Freud on\u00a0<\/span>your<\/span><\/i>\u00a0ass and say it\u2019s probably linked to his psychoanalytic theory: My focus of attention (conscious) is on chasing men, I use my preconscious to recall how to ask each guy out differently, and my unconscious has buried the memories of being rejected by guys I ask out.<\/span>\n\nBetween ages 23 and 27, I dated\/enjoyed flings with\/had one-night stands with 12 boys \u2013 I had asked seven of them out. For this reason, I am stumped that more women aren\u2019t doing this. Asking a man out, for me, is as simple as reaching out for candy\u2026 it\u2019s yours for just asking.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nIn a culture where men hesitate to approach women in a bar (but catcall them when they\u2019re out with friends or on the street), why don\u2019t women take the initiative?\u00a0<\/span>Two of my friends said that they had no qualms about asking men out. Three were in the \u201cit depends\u201d zone \u2013 a very grey area that could swing either way, but judging by how they responded, it would mostly go black. Five others were vehemently against it. This last category, which clearly is how the majority thinks, provided a diverse set of reasons, ranging from \u201che\u2019s too hot for me, he\u2019ll reject me\u201d to \u201cit is the guys duty to ask me out\u201d. Some wonder why we should \u201cmess with tradition\u201d; others think he may just \u201cwant a friend\u201d, and a huge chunk believes they will come across as \u201cdesperate and aggressive\u201d.<\/span>\n\n

There have been times when men have said no because they either wanted to date my best friend, or they thought of me as a \u201cgood friend\u201d. I don\u2019t love being rejected, but it doesn\u2019t kill me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nDesperate\u2026 really? Do we really think a guy is \u201cdesperate\u201d when he asks a woman out for coffee, drinks, or even sex? We\u2019re always praising them for taking the initiative and find it super-attractive. In this equal-opportunity world, why should we hold such double standards? Is rejection harder for us than it is for our male counterparts?<\/span>\n\nI asked a guy out when I was 24 and he said he couldn\u2019t date me because of my caste. It was perhaps one of the worst reasons I\u2019ve heard. There have been times when men have said no because they either wanted to date my best friend, or they thought of me as a \u201cgood friend\u201d. Some have made the epic \u201cjust not interested\u00a0<\/span>yet<\/span><\/i>\u201d excuse. I don\u2019t love being rejected, but it doesn\u2019t kill me. Plus, the next guy I asked out was great. It was one of the best relationships I\u2019ve had. I met him at a party where our stoned eyes met over a joint that no one was surprisingly paying attention to. It took me one more group outing before I could finally muster the courage to text and ask him out.<\/span>\n\nLet\u2019s face it,\u00a0dating takes a lot of effort and\u00a0more often than not ends in\u00a0drudgery.\u00a0So why put it in someone else\u2019s hands?\u00a0There\u2019s a palpable thrill in deciding for yourself who you\u00a0can\u00a0go out with, and there\u2019s nothing more empowering than making the first damn move. In a world that\u2019s shouting out for empowerment, it seems pretty convenient then to take the backseat and get all coy like the blushing brides of the fifties when it comes to dating.\u00a0As if to say, \u201cWe are feminists and we are equals, but not that equal okay?\u201d<\/span>\n\nI\u2019ve been called ballsy for what I do by women who\u2019ve climbed the Everest. How is asking a guy out ballsy? My friend Akshara, who is a fellow ask-outer, finds the glorification troublesome. \u201cIt distracts from the intentions and affections behind the asking. Please don\u2019t put me on a pedestal for telling you\u00a0<\/span>first<\/span><\/i>\u00a0that I like you. Just\u2026 like me, if you feel the same way. Pedestals are lonely places.\u201d<\/span>\n\nAs for me, I\u2019m not so troubled. What\u2019s the worst that could happen? You figure after a date or two that it\u2019s not working and you move on. But when you do ask a guy out, it brings back that sexy confidence of having some control over the shitty dating cycle. That all dressed-up-and-ready-to-go feeling. It reminds me that I\u2019m not afraid to go after what I want \u2013 that I can decide who I date and who I don\u2019t. Asking men out makes me feel hot.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThink about it this way: When you have no inhibitions in choosing what you wear, what you eat, or which BuzzFeed personality quiz to take when you\u2019re mad bored at work, why not decide which guy you\u2019d like to date and when? It could be the single most empowering choice you make today. Go on, send that damn text.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a culture where men hesitate to approach women in a bar, why do women struggle to take the initiative? I use it as a reminder that I\u2019m not afraid to go after what I want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":163,"featured_media":1343,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex"],"yoast_head":"\nAsking Men Out is My Superpower<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a culture where men hesitate to approach women in a bar, why do women struggle to take the initiative? 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