{"id":1069,"date":"2016-05-02T22:11:45","date_gmt":"2016-05-02T22:11:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=1069"},"modified":"2016-05-02T22:11:45","modified_gmt":"2016-05-02T22:11:45","slug":"bdsm-fetlife-lesbian-india-rihanna-chains-whips-tinder-adventures-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=1069","title":{"rendered":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"container page-content\"><p><span class=\"dropcap\">E<\/span><\/p><\/div><p>arlier this year on Valentine\u2019s Day, my long-term girlfriend Sameera and I were fooling around in my Parel flat. There was a moderate amount of tequila ingestion, and the next thing I knew, I\u2019d decided to pour hot oil on her while pinning her against a wall. \n\nThere were several things going on in my head at the same time. Was I offending Sameera somehow? Did I have a secret kinky sex fetish? I mean my sex life had only taken off about nine years ago after I came out as a lesbian, but I\u2019ve always been what Pinterest calls \u201cTimidly Tame\u201d. You know, the uber-gentle, nibble-your-ears-and-cuddle kind of lover. \n\nSurprisingly, Sameera was into it, while also not being into it. And that was a massive turn on. But this whole unexplored part of my personality came as a surprise to me. Maybe it shouldn\u2019t have, since I was anyway making a beeline for \u201cnon-consent\/reluctance\u201d stories on Literotica.\n\nEither way, that Valentine\u2019s Day encounter was like crossing the Rubicon. For nine years, I\u2019d had coy, straight-edged sex. It was now time to experiment with BDSM. \n\nThere were more immediate problems to tackle first. After how happy she\u2019d seemed during the V-Day experiment, I assumed Sameera and I could together try to explore the world of BDSM. But I seemed to have flicked a switch: Stony-faced, Sameera told me that there was no way she was going to ever try BDSM proper; that she didn\u2019t want to get into any \u201cweird shit\u201d. \n\n<blockquote class=\"quote--center\"><p>The best relationships \u2013 no matter how temporary \u2013 are those without judgement. The last place I thought I would discover this, was the world of BDSM.\n<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nI tried explaining that we would never try anything she wasn\u2019t comfortable with, and that the appeal of sadism isn\u2019t about having intellectual power or complete mental control over someone. That it\u2019s more about getting it on with someone who wants you to take charge and \u201cdesign\u201d the sex. So it didn\u2019t surprise me when a couple of weeks later, she broke up with me. I was shattered for a while, but also a little relieved, nervous, and excited: This could be the beginning of something new, because I knew in my heart that I couldn\u2019t go back to simple sex, spooning, and cuddles. Not after what I now knew I liked.\n\nIn the weeks after Sameera left, I frantically researched BDSM in a drunken haze, only to keep coming across porn or gross men. Was there no mid-point for a BDSM-curious lesbian woman with an incipient dominant streak? I\u2019d have given up with a \u201cBah, humbug!\u201d if I hadn\u2019t come across FetLife one night. This was a hook-up site for interacting with people near you who are into a variety of fetishes, a sort of Tinder for kinky peeps. I was so eager and had no time to linger, so I decided to dive straight in. \n\nI should have known though, that with all things sexual in this world, you have to really work hard before you can find someone to get it on with. It turns out people on FetLife are just as bad at flirting as people IRL. I lost count of the number of times I\u2019ve had the eye-roll-inducing lyrics of Rihanna\u2019s S&#038;M thrown at me: \u201cSticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me\u2026\u201d \n\nI learnt very quickly that there isn\u2019t that much space on FetLife for a dominant lesbian. Aside from scores of brain-dead guys (\u201cYes, I\u2019m a \u2018real\u2019 lesbian. No, you cannot watch\u201d), I discovered there weren\u2019t many women willing to be \u201csubmissive\u201d. Most people also presumed I was a Big Boo-lookalike from Orange is the New Black, and were disappointed to learn that I\u2019m petite and \u201cfeminine\u201d. \n\nFortune favours the brave and the persistent, however. And after a few disastrous dates \u2013 I invited over a girl who later wanted to be lathered in cream and chocolate \u2013 I met someone off FetLife to finally try a full bondage session in leather dominatrix get-up. I got to decide what the girl I was meeting should wear, down to her underwear. And I also bought the paraphernalia \u2013 from handcuffs (actually curtain holders) to whips (don\u2019t laugh, but it was a belan) to blindfolds (sleep masks \u201cborrowed\u201d from Jet Airways). I felt like a kid in a candy store. \n\nWas I happy or sated afterward? To tell the truth, I figured I\u2019m not so hot on the costume part, which seemed a little fake. For me, the real joy was that I was able to talk about my fantasies openly and act them out \u2013 wanting to slap someone, tie them up, fake-throttle them, and have a storyline going the whole time. BDSM sex, as with real life, was really all about acceptance from your partner. \n\nAs someone who\u2019d faked 90 per cent of her orgasms until recently, I didn\u2019t think that kind of honesty about sexual impulses was doable or even desirable. Unlike with Sameera, I felt liberated from the worry that the other person was going to think I was a damaged psycho. It\u2019s almost like a sexy theatre workshop. It\u2019s made me breezier and more confident, because I\u2019m not bogged down anymore by the idea that I have dark impulses for which people might lock me up in an asylum. \n\nThe best relationships \u2013 no matter how temporary \u2013 are those without judgement. The last place I thought I would discover this, was the world of BDSM.\n\nA few flings later, I can safely say my sex life has gone from the ridiculous to the sublime. I\u2019ve learnt so much \u2013 chief among which is that dominating is a bit like surfing. That you have to learn the difference between the pain people can handle and the pain they want. (Also that some people have really sensitive skin \u2013 one girl got rashes all over her body from the same hot-oil trick!)\n\nBDSM is such a broad spectrum that your interactions don\u2019t have to be as extreme as the Fifty Shades of Grey contract bullshit. I haven\u2019t felt the need to use \u201csafe words\u201d yet \u2013 I just stop pegging or hair-pulling when the other person tells me to. Exercising that kind of self-control isn\u2019t easy, but it\u2019s a really exciting, sexy challenge.\n\nWill I go on exploring the really intense worlds of bondage and domination, the whole shebang? Possibly, but for now I\u2019m happy with the surfing. I only know one thing: That my days of cuddling and nibbling ears are far behind me.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":149,"featured_media":1070,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-05-02T22:11:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"860\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rukmini M\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rukmini M\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Rukmini M\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/173ca7491f7e6c3b21f542709900a68d\"},\"headline\":\"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-02T22:11:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069\"},\"wordCount\":1127,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1497425568.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Love and Sex\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069\",\"name\":\"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1497425568.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-02T22:11:45+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/173ca7491f7e6c3b21f542709900a68d\"},\"description\":\"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1497425568.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1497425568.jpg\",\"width\":860,\"height\":500},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.arre.co.in\\\/?p=1069#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\",\"name\":\"Arr\u00e9\",\"description\":\"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/173ca7491f7e6c3b21f542709900a68d\",\"name\":\"Rukmini M\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8e43759c5d512937def60cab94e334c4636443d0985284c6871cc7ae6d6e5689?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8e43759c5d512937def60cab94e334c4636443d0985284c6871cc7ae6d6e5689?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8e43759c5d512937def60cab94e334c4636443d0985284c6871cc7ae6d6e5689?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Rukmini M\"},\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/?author=149\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland","description":"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland","og_description":"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069","og_site_name":"Arr\u00e9","article_published_time":"2016-05-02T22:11:45+00:00","og_image":[{"width":860,"height":500,"url":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Rukmini M","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_title":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland","twitter_description":"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Rukmini M","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069"},"author":{"name":"Rukmini M","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/173ca7491f7e6c3b21f542709900a68d"},"headline":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland","datePublished":"2016-05-02T22:11:45+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069"},"wordCount":1127,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg","articleSection":["Love and Sex"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069","url":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069","name":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg","datePublished":"2016-05-02T22:11:45+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/173ca7491f7e6c3b21f542709900a68d"},"description":"Until I discovered BDSM, I used to be a coy lover. For me, the real joy was that I could act out my fantasies \u2013 a storyline where I was slapping and fake-throttling someone.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg","width":860,"height":500},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/?p=1069#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"My Adventures in BDSM Wonderland"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/","name":"Arr\u00e9","description":"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/173ca7491f7e6c3b21f542709900a68d","name":"Rukmini M","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8e43759c5d512937def60cab94e334c4636443d0985284c6871cc7ae6d6e5689?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8e43759c5d512937def60cab94e334c4636443d0985284c6871cc7ae6d6e5689?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8e43759c5d512937def60cab94e334c4636443d0985284c6871cc7ae6d6e5689?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Rukmini M"},"url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?author=149"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1497425568.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/149"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1069"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1069\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1070"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1069"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1069"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1069"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}